THE CRITICS VERSUS VINCENT GALLO

In 1998, Sky Television began to broadcast a weekly film programme called Movietalk, presented by Richard Jobson, former lead singer of The Skids (and now a writer-director in his own right). The format was like a chat-show, in which Jobson talked to invited guests - film writers, distributors and at least one well-known name from the movie world. We were sat in a circle and encouraged to lob comments into the fray.

Making up things on the spot has never been my forte, but I did OK on the first show, about blockbusters, and was invited along a couple of times after that. The best and most memorable show was this one about Film Criticism, because it assembled three very different kinds of film writer - the late Alexander Walker of the Evening Standard, Jonathan Romney, then of the Guardian, and myself, then film critic of the Sunday Telegraph, and confronted them with actor and film-maker, sorry, all-round genius and Renaissance Man, Vincent Gallo, whose Buffalo '66 had just been released.

I think I'm pretty lame here, but then argument or open debate has never been my strong suit; I much prefer writing angry letters or composing sarcastic emails from the safety of my own home. Also, my face looks like a big fat moon, and my mouth looks weird and tiny; either they should have supplied me with some film noir shadows to give me cheekbones, or I should have applied some face-shaping blusher or something. However, because I think this clip is of historical - not to mention hysterical - interest, I'm being selfless and posting it anyway.

Richard Jobson told me afterwards that Gallo had called me a "Commie lesbian witch" and asked for my telephone number.

The entire show is about 27 minutes long, but I've had split it into four parts because blogger wouldn't allow me to upload the whole thing in one go. Sorry for any inconvenience caused.